Drunken Mistakes
by freeloaders.inc
Summary: It began with Ryuuzaki's pregnancy and ended in disaster. For Light, anyway. L&Light, beware of the crack. Rated for immature themes.


The Pregnancy Test

Sunlight flitted through the blinds with the prospect of a bright and sunny morning. Light rose in greeting, ruffling the plain white sheets of the bed. He grasped his head tightly to try and stop the dizzy feeling that had overcome him. His memory of last night was completely blank. He was in an unknown bedroom with everything foreign to him. Looking down, he realized he was unclothed and his garments were scattered all over the floor.

The second of two doors swung open to reveal L clad in a towel. His hair was drenched and disheveled as he padded out. L grinned brightly, carefully unwrapping the sweet that he had taken from a bowl beside Light. L allowed the sweet sensation to dazzle his senses as he eyed Light with a peculiar look on his face.

"I had the most wonderful time last night." L remarked, smirking slightly at Light's dazed expression. Light was still trying to piece the fragments of his mind together as he spoke.

"I don't remember what happened." He tried to list his thoughts out step by step. He got drunk yesterday. Unreasonably drunk… He could recall being brought up some stairs by L. The rest was too fuzzy.

"I have something of great importance to tell you Light." L bent down to rest his head on the bed sheet and gazed into Light's quizzical orbs.

"I'm pregnant with your child." He blinked, registered the comment, and then laughed.

"How can you be pregnant? You're a guy!" L sighed sadly at his Light's exclamation.

"I'm actually a girl… Much as you would not to believe me."

Light blinked. His mind had barely comprehended what L had just said.

"No offense, but you're rather flat-chested for a girl."

To Light's alarm, L's eyes narrowed until they were mere slits.

"Well, I apologize that my… _endowments_ are not up to your standard. However, I cannot help what Mother Nature has bestowed upon me. For a renowned lady-killer, you're not being very sensitive to my very much womanly feelings, Light. I'm going through some very violent hormonal changes now due to my pregnancy, so do watch your words or I'll be forced to throttle you."

Light was about to make another comment on L's baritone voice and his very unwomanly Adam's apple, but decided not to after seeing L's also very unwomanly, malevolent glare.

"W-Well, I demand to be shown proof!" Light barked.

"Unfortunately, that would be an outrage of my modesty. I mean, _you_ already outraged it yesterday after _your_ proposed drinking competition, but you and I were more than a little drunk yesterday. All I can recall is that I had fun. You know… When we were…" L hesitated and put his index finger to his lip. Light found himself blushing tomato red.

"That's okay. You don't have to describe it…" Light sat up straight and clutched the sheets to his chest, feeling awkward in the presence of the supposedly cross-dressing female beside him.

"Why not opt for an abortion?" Light suggested.

"I'm Catholic. It's against my religion," L paused. "I thought we should get married…"

"M-Married!" Light yelled in pure shock.

"I want our child to at least be legitimate. It _would_ be what's best for _our_ child." L placed his hand over Light's hand, smiling. Light proceeded to snatch his hand away as if L's touch stung.

"Just think about it." L said as he reopened the bathroom door.

'_I am so screwed.' _Light thought, staring blankly at L.

'_Literally_'

Watari opened the door to see the two fully clothed. He was happy to see that both L and Light were conscious after he viewed them in last night's drunken stupor. They appeared to be arguing about something unknown to him. He went in politely and made a noisy entry to alert them of his presence.

"Abortion is never the answer. If a girl ends up pregnant, the right course of action would be to marry her. Isn't that right, Watari?" L asked the elderly man. Watari gave a polite smile and nod.

"It would be inexcusable to force a child to be in a single child family without a father. It's quite unfair to the mother. As for abortion, I'm quite against it. I agree with you, Ryuuzaki."

"Y-You… agree?" Light bit his lip, as he hoped he would say no.

"Absolutely, I'd come down hard on the irresponsible cad if I knew anyone as dishonourable as that. I'd make sure he would never be able to procreate again." Despite his smiling face, Watari gave such an air of malice that Light dared not to argue.

"I guess it's settled then." L walked to the door.

"I expect your proposal tonight." Light plunged into despair.

"B-But!"

"Light, be a man." L walked out of the door with Watari trailing him. Watari was puzzled and decided to voice his confusion.

"What proposal were you talking about?"

L smiled.

"We were just talking about one of 'Kira's' victims and the possibility he could have raped her before the murder. She was a day pregnant." Watari nodded, understanding.

"It was his idea, so it's only fair _he_ does the report."


End file.
